Friday, August 10, 2012
Hope. Faith. Love.
Recently I discovered a post about my life had been deleted or removed for some reason about, my recent personal struggles. The post was a detail account of the past few years and how my struggles have brought me to a place in my life blessed by amazing people around me. (why it disappeared is beyond me, since it strived to bring a positive message to the people reading this)
I will not go into as much detail naming people, but would still like my readers to know a personal side to me and a little about my struggles.
Three years ago, my life begin to slowly fall apart...
Seven years with the love of my life seemed to fly by, I anticipated spending my life with John. He was the first man I ever loved, my soulmate! Someone who I have yet to find a replacement for. His love made me choose, the suburbs instead of the city; a life straddling two worlds. My life with him and a life in New York City, with my career. I was happy to lead a double life, to give up fully realizing my potential, because who I was with him felt the best version of myself.
That summer I tried on wedding dresses, his words about getting engaged" it's just a matter of time" echoed in my head. I didn't realize his unhappiness, how so many things where un said. In truth I never thought it could end, there where no signs.
After the break up, I looked at my life and saw a chance to rellocate. To finally move to the city, invest everything into my career. So I began to save...
Later in the year a week before my 26th birthday, I was hospitalized for a cyst on my right ovary. It was removed, it wasn't till a few months later when I had to have another surgery, that we found the cyst had been blocking a tumor. After a staging surgery, we found it was stage 3 Ovarian Cancer.
So much had happened, in such a short time. The business I had tried to build as a Stylist, stopped due to my medical bills, and my inability to work. My savings and dreams of living int he city, could not come true now.
During my fourth surgery in Aug 2011, I lost my ability to have children. Having a full hysterectomy, sent me into menapause. I lost my body with the weight gain, and am very scared from the four surgeries.
Right around this time I found my ex had married and had a son, with the girl he started dating two weeks after we broke up.
In all this time you would think I would hold some resentment, some feelings of anger or remorse for the path I was put on. It is quite the opposite. I truly believed the "path less traveled" as Frost put it, truly brings you to the destination you should be at.
Currently I am being treated at Sloan, my next CT Scan is the 30th.
I came to meet some amazing people through my struggles, those who helped me get back on my feet and have been personal angels guiding me to where I'm meant to be.
I am in such an amazing place in my life, truly turning the page and starting a new chapter in my life. Although I continue to rebuild my life, I know that I will have a foundation built with people who are there to support me and love me for who I am. For we are nothing without the struggles in our lives they build character and make us who we are, and bring us closer to the people we should be with.
My mission in life is to realize the potential I have, to become known and use my presence in the Fashion Industry to bring awareness to Ovarian Cancer, a cancer there is still no screening method for.
I want you to know that, although I will have fun with this blog, sharing trends, and my fashion adventures. That from time to time I will share part of my soul with you as well.
If there are those reading this going through any difficult times, know there is always,
All of which I wish to share with you, you are not alone in your struggles.